Dying to self as a mother
"I would love more children; but hubby and I have decided, that's it. I cannot handle anymore. I am a wreck as it is." These words break my heart. Motherhood is tough; it definitely isn't for wimps. You wash a child, five minutes later, he's dirty. You clean the windows, ten minutes later, they have smudges. You clean the kitchen, then everyone is hungry and needs to be fed. It is easy to succomb to the Deceiver's whisper, "Your job is worthless. Everything you do quickly becomes undone. Why don't you do something more worthwhile?" We give into frustration and worries when we take our eyes off of Christ and the importance of our task. What we do for our households, we do unto Christ. It is a natural human tendency to want human, audible praise. Just last night I had to pull the reigns on my sinful tendencies. My sweet husband came home and I started rattling off a laundry list of all I had done and how I did not get a moment to sit down, all day. I could not believe how obvious my love of self was. When our Lord alone knows just how many times I prepared a meal, the quantity of laundry done, and all the things I taught my children, then my reward is reserved for heaven. When I feel the urgency to boast on all of my diligence to anyone, then my reward is lost. It has already been given. My husband is a wonderful example to me, of this principle. Everyday, whether he feels like it or not, he diligently goes to work in a world of many disgruntled people. He never comes home bragging on all his efforts. He meekly does his job, and comes home. The poor dear, then, has to come home to someone who feels that she simply must dwell on all of her efforts. I must remember that God is the one who has called me to the servant role of wife and mother. If He has numbered the hairs on our head, then surely He notes even the most menial task done out of love for Him. He has been showing me the need of putting it all on the line. I like to have a little unwinding time, especially at naptime. But these few moments of peace have been taken from me lately. My selfish, human tendencies don't like this. But it is then that I realize that Jesus may even be asking me to sacrifice these moments as well. I need to be willing to put it all on the line for Him. He gave His all for me; why shouldn't I do the same for Him? (see Philippians 2:7-8) What I need is not more "me time" or less chores, but to have a servant's heart and to be always in prayer. When Satan whispers, "Why do you want another child , you cannot handle the children you already have," remember that all we need is grace. When our duties seem impossible, and we have trials with our children, use those moments to come boldly before His throne. Beg that He will pour His Wisdom into your heart and that He will give you the grace you need. He never promises to prevent His children from having hardships. But He does promise that He will always be there to meet our every need. Since becoming a Christian, one of my favorite verses is 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." We are weak and sinful vessels. But God is best glorified by using the weak and doing great things through and in them. Remember, if we did not have so many trials, would we turn to Him as often? May your daily trials bring you to your knees; it is there that we are transformed into the image we were created to be.